Most recently, in addition to the more typical books on bodies and sex listed further on in the blog, I purchased one called S.E.X. - The All-You-Need-To-Know Sexuality Guide to Get You Through Your Teens and Twenties. Chapter 6 on how sexual entertainment media is not real and never has been was quite helpful in explaining WHY I didn't want them ogling parts on the internet.... Oh, and there's a great introduction for parents in the front, too. Helped me get past the too much information too soon worry.
This book is FAR more than the critters need as 5th and 7th graders. However, all the other books I could find failed to address an important concept - sexuality. Not just how it happens, when it should happen and respectful ways for it to happen, but the real formation of one's sexual self. I certainly do not want the critters to grow up ashamed of their bodies and sexuality, but I also don't want them to grow up feeling like it is simply fun without any need for great thought and reflection.
It seems that many peeps of my generation or older have a level of secrecy or shame or discomfort with who they are sexually. It also seems that many younger than myself have an openness and freedom in behavior, online and in person, that obscures the gravity of growing this part of ourselves in a healthy way and then sharing it with others.
So, I bought The Boy's Body Book and American Medical Association Boy's Guide to Becoming a Teen. I also bought the girl versions of these books for the boys. They're great basic books, but are just that, basic. They miss the decisions that start this early that form sexual health - the decision to google or not to google, the decision to text about sex or not, the decision to ask someone out just because your friends are doing it and on and on and on. They lack the words that tell our kids that they OWN their bodies and growing this in a safe and healthy way is THEIR responsibility. They certainly lack the words that show how this is done aside from abstinence vs. safe sex, it is a big gaping hole in sex ed across almost all sources.
These books weren't the start by any means. When my 3rd grader came home saying that a boy on the playground said that "girls like to lick dicks", I knew it was time to start talking about not just how the parts work, but also respect for others sexually. This goes waaaaaaay beyond "private parts are private" because well, as our kiddos reach adulthood, those private parts aren't so private anymore. They will likely choose to share their parts and want to have others share with them, too. All the positive body books in the world don't touch upon that at all, and the ones that do barely go beyond, "make sure you and your partner are ready" and then jump right in to the safe sex options. However, eons before our kiddos reach THAT point, their sexual self has started to form. Their sexual perceptions of others has started to form. I wanted to have THAT conversation with my boys. As a feminist, or at least that's what my house full of men tell me I am(hah!), I wanted to make SURE that they viewed females as sexual equals - not to be degraded or used or put on a pedestal. I wanted to make sure that CONSENT was not just something thought of legally or at the last minute, but that they understood it is a process. It is a process undertaken by responsible partners having adult-level conversations and requires deep communication and understanding of your partner. If you don't reflect and understand yourself sexually, how do you have any chance of TALKING to another about it? I know they'll be uncomfortable when they reach the sharing stage of their bodies, and that is a rite of passage I wouldn't take from them for all the world(first holding hands, first kiss, first sneaking the arm around the shoulder, first.....) but finding ways for them to reflect upon what they might want out of a romantic relationship as they grow seemed to be limited to mom talks. YUCK! They're both still pretty comfortable bringing any and all thoughts to mom for listening and discussion, but that is a'changing - as it should. No boy going through their sexual growth wants to talk to MOM about it. Ew Ew Ew
So, enter a book for older kiddos that helps them establish healthy concepts of sexual self. Oy...
FYI - think your kiddo isn't looking at "stuff", yet? Just ask them what an eggplant emoji means. If they giggle or panic, you're already behind talking about SEX and electronic communication.
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