Words for the years

PERSEVERANCE

SELF CONTROL

CALM

FLEXIBLE

FRIENDLY

RESPONSIVE

INDEPENDENCE

COLLABORATIVE

HEALTHY


That's a lofty list of words, but I think a common one that floats through our heads as parents.  Maybe the letters are a little larger and backlit or even flashing in neon for parents with unique kiddos, but I think the list is the same.  These are words our family has used for our future year, either for the whole family or for just one of us.  My words for past years have been FRIENDLY, COLLABORATIVE and HEALTHY.  My husband does not really participate by truly owning a word for himself, but does a great job contributing his thoughts when we have our family sit down right at the start of the new year to pick words.

This year's word is INDEPENDENCE.  The critters thought CALM was a good word for them, but I increased the scope to INDEPENDENCE.  Now that both of them are mostly behaviorally stable and academically stable, those life skills that get missed along the way will be focused on.
For example, at what age did your kiddos or kiddos of friends who might slant closer to neurotypical learn to ask for help in the classroom?  2nd grade?  3rd grade?  Certainly by middle school, right?  At least learned to raise their hand to ask a question.  Not so with critters who may have learned that the adult in the room can't help them - not because they are incompetent or bad at teaching, but just because the help needed isn't something they know how to provide.  How do you help a kid calm down when talking to them or asking what is wrong or telling them that it's okay just makes it worse?
So, here we are learning things like self-calming and self-advocacy and self-care(cough cough hygiene!) years after many have already started these skills.  That is independence!  Independence from paraprofessionals.  Independence from me.  Independence from blaming me.  Independent ownership of their brains and bodies and thoughts and actions. They're finally ready for this at 11 & 13, and I cannot wait to see how it goes! Maybe an independent college experience is possible.  Maybe learning to drive at 16 is possible. Maybe telling others what they need because they know themselves is possible. Maybe a social circle is possible. Maybe marriage and grandchildren are possible. Maybe a rewarding career and healthy life are possible. We may be starting small with an alarm for the morning and working towards getting ready for school without constant reminders, threats of consequences and chronic badgering but mastering the little things has a ripple effect.  Mastering something small ripples through ALL other aspects of independence. As we(we because I have to back off and let mistakes happen while still supporting, so this is big for me, too) make this small change, the pathways built in a small piece of independence and self reliance(thank you Ralph Waldo Emerson - note to self, have The Critter read this) get used for other areas of life that need them - homework, social, hygiene, mealtimes, sleep schedule, med schedule, active participation in mental health care.
We will OWN this word for 2018, just like we owned PERSEVERANCE in 2015 and FLEXIBLE/FRIENDLY/RESPONSIVE in 2017. Just like I owned COLLABORATIVE in 2016 to stop looking at my spouse as an obstacle to drag kicking and screaming through this sped world behind me and start treating him like he is truly loved and valued, even if he is a few steps behind on the path sometimes.