Camp - Expelled

....BOOM!  There's that shoe!!

I'm mixed about this one and may never actually post it to the wide world.  The Critter was expelled from a camp today.  He became VERY agitated and upset with another boy and pushed him up against the wall.  Apparently, there was a lot of yelling that did not decrease when a teacher tried to intervene and say, "Hey, he's smaller than you.  You can't do that to him."

Thankfully, the administrators of this camp GET IT.  They know the difference between a panic response and a decision to hurt another camper in the Otherly Wired.  They gave him space and time to breathe and calm down before I even arrived to get him.  Unfortunately, after speaking with the other boy's parent, they opted to expel The Critter from attending that camp.  I am grateful that he will continue to be allowed to attend the afternoon camp.

So, here's where I get mixed feelings.  I am outraged that The Critter tried to hurt another child, especially one that is smaller.  However, this didn't happen in a bell jar.  The Critter didn't just get upset about the other team cheating and target one of them.

This is Chess camp, so my mistake in this is two-fold.  First, I expected that they would be playing Chess and be indoors for the entirety of the camp.  Second, since The Critter was on his phone too much the day before, I took it away, and he did not have it at camp.  Neurotypical parents can stop reading here because already, the neurotypical parent voice in my head is saying, "huh? Why is that a big deal?"  Some extreme parents may automatically understand these two sentences being HUGE deals, but I'll explain since everyone's flavor of extreme is a little different.  HEAT for hyper-responsive sensory avoiders can be a really unsafe thing.  A neurotypical's body starts sweating and they may get irritated because they are hot - these are warnings by our body to change our behavior and get cooler.  In a hyper-responsive avoider, these responses are waaaaay outsized and the response to them is also waaaaaay outsized.  Hence, why ASS-U-M(E)ing that Chess would be a completely indoor camp is a huge deal.  Now, for the phone thing.  So, for avoiders, small screens can be a GREAT way for them to disconnect from the barrage of sensory and social stimuli for a while to discharge and then re-enter their day.  It can also be an addiction, but that's for another post. So, taking The Critter's phone away meant that he did not have this disconnect(which I knew and we discussed other coping mechanisms) and that he did not get on his phone during an outdoor snack break activity.  The outdoor snack break activity was Capture the Flag in the sun, while it was over 90deg outside AND the kids were tackling, shoving, etc.  Also, REALLY big deals for a hyper-responsive avoider.  For most kids, the sudden shove by a playmate is accepted and does not feel unsafe to them or their body.  In a hyper-responsive, the unexpected touch registers more like being stabbed to the brain's sensory system and can send some into an immediate fight/flight/freeze panic response.  The Critter used to do this, especially in the heat, hence why there are NO outdoor camps on our possibles list in the summer.  Now that he's older, his response is more of a slow burn, but you can see it increasing if the hits keep coming.
So, Capture the Flag with tackling and shoving in 90degree sun ensues.....and then the opposing team cheats. The Critter STILL held it together except for some yelling, which is pretty neurotypical for any 12yr old kiddo.  Then, the other kiddo started calling him names, Stupid, Blind, Idiot and a few others....  So, as is typical of 12yr old boys, The Critter increased the intensity of the exchange by going to swearing.  Have I mentioned that this camp is at a CHURCH school?!?!?  So, the other kiddo continued to increase intensity by poking The Critter in. the. face.  That was it...The Critter backed him up against a wall and had his hands on the collarbone.  (Yes, that horrifies me) He let him go right away and walked off to calm down.  The other kiddo was laughing about it, even after being backed up to a wall. I confirmed that he is fine this morning; no damage or trauma about it.  If The Critter hadn't been outdoors, this would not have happened. If I had let him have his phone instead of expecting other coping mechanisms, he wouldn't have played a physical sport in the sun, and this wouldn't have happened.
Clearly, this is a learning opportunity for all of us.  So, The Critter is home today, and I have ANOTHER unexpected work from home day.  He will still go to the afternoon camp, and I am very grateful that the director did not see fit to expel him completely. ....and he'll go with his phone....which will be the ONLY time he will be allowed any media of any kind until I feel he is sufficiently regulated.
Now, to look up an Anger Management course that helps people stop that fight/flight/freeze response and recognize when it is coming....