Both Critters returned to school today. We now have a 5th grader and a 7th grader.
No school changes; no change in the peer mix; zippo. For the first time since 1st grade, I did not prepare a "cheat sheet" or "get to know" sheet on either kiddo, and now I'm worried it was a mistake. I relied on last year's teachers and case managers to have it together and handle the transfer independent of me for the first time ever. I suppose that is a testament to how well last year went for both Critters. There were major hurdles - flipping the AP the bird, watching a teacher get his nose broken, not being able to take tests, etc. but the staff handled each hurdle really well once they found their bearings. I know this sounds pretentious, but I am SO proud of them - the staff, that is. Being proud of the kiddos is assumed. I can only imagine the tenacity it must take to keep at exceptional, challenging kiddos like ours with kindness every day not really knowing if it is working, if you're making a difference, if it really is the right approach. I, of course, have to keep at it too, but it's different. I have the luxury of more time and fewer "show me" type demands. I have the luxury of allowing my kiddo to get angry at a demand without impacting anyone but us. I have the luxury of pushing them so far that they shutdown just so that they can learn to recover from that. I have the luxury of knowing exactly what to take away or present as a reward to get the desired outcome. I definitely have the luxury of being able to let them yell, scream and hate me for a little while as intensely as they can. I have the luxury of waiting and letting all of that emotional intensity burn out to then have a conversation about WHY and whether they got the outcome they wanted by giving in to all that emotional intensity afterwards. Teachers simply don't. By middle school, they have 40"/day to teach teach teach, and we expect them to do it perfectly. We expect them to do it perfectly for each and every child - even the ones that are in the 99.95% and the 0.05% simultaneously like mine. What's worse, they often expect this of themselves. From day 1, they are trying to cram in SEL, collaboration, curriculum, standards, presentation, self knowledge, peer relations, organization, etc. into our kiddos as best they can. Oh, and they do this at a salary that would prevent many of us from having the lifestyles we have and with hours that would prevent us the luxury of time with our kiddos.
Wow, this post was not intended to be a diatribe on the amazing and impossible job teachers have, but there it is.
I know that as sped parents, teachers are often a good fit or a bad fit for our exceptional kiddos, but after a couple years of being deep in the weeds and now a couple years of having staff REALLY step up, my perspective is that we need to give them a break. Hell, not even that, we need to give them a hand. I may not be able to make up for the pay disparity of what is vs. what should be or buy enough of the stuff that they should have but don't or even show up to volunteer as much as I'd like, but I will always help them as best as I can, even if sometimes that means trying to help them see an extreme parent's perspective. The hand I extend may not always be appreciated as it may come in emailing a post about IDEA or about SRO MOUs or sometimes a false assumption about WHY The Critter or Younger Critter are exhibiting a behavior that needs to be eliminated, but sometimes it comes in a load of wipeboards or dry erasers or owl pellets or in creative problem solving ideas that may or may not work in a school environment. We, as parents, often force teachers into a mentality of us and them without meaning to, just as a result of everyone trying to get the best education for our children and not always knowing how to do that. I may not always hit the mark in helping with that, but my attempts will always come with deep appreciation, gratitude and challenges to all of us to be better.
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